Clever Title Leperous' rants and occasional site news.
23 October 2006 MNF For those of you who don't know...I'm a HUGE football fan. Specifically, the Dallas Cowboys and Oklahoma Sooners. I'm a season ticket holder for OU games, but I don't get to go to Cowboys games very often. So, for my birthday, my wife got me tickets to tonight's Monday Night Football game between the Cowboys and the Giants! I'm so excited I can hardly stand myself. Anyway, we'll be leaving in an hour or so to go to Dallas to get ready for the game. So, if you watch the game, look for me. I'll be the one wearing the Roy Williams jersey.
11 October 2006 Well, it took a year but.... Well it took a year (almost exactly) but the 'Free XBox Experiment' has finally concluded. I received my brand new XBox 360 last week. (As you can see in the picture....please pardon the rediculously cheesy grin, but I was pretty excited.) Finally, tonight I actually am going to get to play it.
I must say that getting this thing was not easy. It was a lot harder than I thought to get friends, and site visitors to complete a simple little offer. Then when I finally did complete all the requirements, I had to argue with FreePay back and forth about whether or not I was actually eligible. Bottom line, it was a pain, but...I now have a $400 XBox for free. And because of that...my geekdom can finally get back into full swing. Muahahahaha!
18 July 2006 Wife 1.0 Tech Support Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 . I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, Troubled User
Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
24 June 2006 Chili Cook Off I'm sure most of you have gotten this in an email at some point, but I got it again yesterday and its just too funny not to post. So, here it is... These are notes from an inexperienced Seattle chili taster named Frank who was visiting Texas:
Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judges' table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the score cards from the event:
Chili #1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Chili JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These hicks are crazy.
Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili JUDGE ONE: Smokey (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbecue flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver while I shoved my way to the front of the beer line.
Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick! Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: This has got to be a joke! Call the EPA, I've located a !?#@%~#@*_#! uranium spill! My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.
Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so that I wouldn't have to dash over to see her.
Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Chili #6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.
Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about judge #3, he appears to be in a bit of distress. FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at my autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll let it in through the hole in my stomach.
Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see most of it was lost when Judge number 3 fell and pulled most of the pot on top of himself. JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. FRANK: Our Father, who art in heav-
9 June 2006 New Feature We will be starting a new feature in the near future called 'Where in the World is Whenever?'. Whenever has been working at a new job that requires him to travel all the time, so we're gonna use it. Each time he gets to a new location, he's going to take a picture and post it. We will then all try to guess where he is. Depending on the frequency of these posts, we'll come up with some sort of prize for the winners. So, keep your eye open for his post, and let the games begin!
For those of you who don't know...I'm a HUGE football fan. Specifically, the Dallas Cowboys and Oklahoma Sooners. I'm a season ticket holder for OU games, but I don't get to go to Cowboys games very often. So, for my birthday, my wife got me tickets to tonight's Monday Night Football game between the Cowboys and the Giants! I'm so excited I can hardly stand myself. Anyway, we'll be leaving in an hour or so to go to Dallas to get ready for the game. So, if you watch the game, look for me. I'll be the one wearing the Roy Williams jersey.
Well it took a year (almost exactly) but the 'Free XBox Experiment' has finally concluded. I received my brand new XBox 360 last week. (As you can see in the picture....please pardon the rediculously cheesy grin, but I was pretty excited.) Finally, tonight I actually am going to get to play it.